To other members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints who deal with same-sex attraction, this is the message I wish to share with you

I especially wish to speak to the youth or any of you who are just now realizing that you deal with same-sex attraction. If you're in the process of trying to reconcile it with what you've been taught, or if you're trying to figure out what this attraction means for your life and how it plays into God's eternal plan for you, then this is the message I wish to share with you:

A short time ago I opened up for the first time and shared with others my struggle with same-sex attraction. It's something I've dealt with all my life (I'm now in my thirties), but only recently have I felt like it is something I should talk to others about. In the last few years I've been impressed by other members of the Church who deal with this same challenge who have had the courage to share their stories and their testimonies. In reading their stories, I've been touched by their honesty in telling how they have learned through their experiences that choosing any thing other than following God's plan didn't bring them lasting happiness. Hearing their testimonies has given me the courage to open up and share my own feelings and experiences with you.

I have felt that just as it was important for them to share their journey along the path of repentance (to discover the truth about what will ultimately bring real happiness), you need to know there is another way to gain that knowledge, without having to experience all the heartache and sorrow that comes from repenting—you can gain that knowledge by choosing the path of obedience—by choosing to stay in the Church and being chaste and keeping your covenants. This is the path I've personally chosen to follow in regards to this attraction. 

My experience growing up with this attraction may be a little different from yours, especially if you are currently a teenager, but I hope that something I say may resonate with you and help you in facing this challenge.

Growing up, I knew I had this attraction, but the attitudes towards same-sex attraction/homosexuality were so negative that I couldn't or simply wouldn't allow myself to believe that what I was feeling or dealing with was in fact same-sex attraction. I tried to convince myself that what I was feeling was different. And despite my best efforts to separate myself from the negative attitudes and beliefs that surrounded me,  eventually I came to believe what others said and viewed homosexuality in the same way. This lead me to dealing with my feelings and emotions, which came from having this attraction, in an unhealthy way.

At first, I simply denied the feelings or thoughts were even there. Then when that didn't work, I tried to separate them from myself internally (in my mind) and pretend as though they were mere observations instead of my actual feelings and thoughts. That seemed to work for a while, but over time, the denial and lies I told myself lead me to hating myself a lot. I came to hate myself so much that I started believing I was unlovable and that no one could ever truly love me because of this secret and if they only knew then they would see me as a vile and perverse person unworthy of their love. Because I felt this way about myself, I started self-sabotaging all of my relationships and pushing the people I loved away. Sadly, it took me a really long time to realize what I was doing was wrong. And it's only been in the last five or so years that my perspective has begun to change and I've stopped feeling that way about myself. How and why my perspective changed is what I wish to share with you.

My first step in finding peace with having this attraction and that has helped change my perspective was acknowledging that this attraction actually existed and that it was something I could face head on. It wasn't until I stopped running from facing the truth about myself & what I experience that I was able to see the truth about what same-sex attraction really is, and really—what it has to do with me as a person. 

All of us in the Church have learned the plan of salvation, so we know that its contrary to that plan to have homosexual relationships. I've always believed in God's plan of happiness. After I stopped living in denial I started to wonder why God would allow any of us to have these feelings, which can make it impossible for some of us to have a traditional heterosexual relationship and get married, if He intends for all of His children to follow His plan and receive exaltation. It's been hard at times for me to accept having this attraction while also accepting that God's plan of happiness still applies to me…that He meant it for me just as much as He did for everyone else. The only way I've managed to accept both as being true was by following Elder Uchtdorf's counsel in choosing to doubt my doubts before doubting my faith. It's been through the process of exercising my faith that I've gained a testimony that our Heavenly Father's plan really does still apply to you and me!

I've seen others who have accepted homosexuality as apart of who they are and they believe that's never going to change. Many of them have chosen to walk away from God and His church because they can't reconcile their sexuality with what they know and believe about God's plan. However, unlike those I've just mentioned, I do not believe that same-sex attraction/homosexuality is apart of who we are. And the reason I choose not to believe that is because of one simple but profound truth—I've learned who I am as a child of God.

Learning who I am, and how God sees me, I'd say, is the second thing—but perhaps the most important thing—that has helped change my perspective about this attraction. I never realized just how much damage I'd done to myself emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually because I was looking to all the wrong sources (other people) to know who I am (which lead to all that self-sabotaging and self-hatred) until the Spirit showed me who I actually am. He showed me how much God loves me and what good I can do if only I'll trust Him and believe in myself. I know that He can do the same for you. There is so much power that comes from learning who you truly are! You'll be amazed at how much your perspective on dealing with this attraction will change once you know that about yourself!

I believe that once you learn who you actually are you'll also see that this struggle is temporary—it's a mortal challenge that is meant to bring you closer to God. It doesn't define you, it's meant to help you grow. 

I can't say exactly why this is the challenge that God has given us to face or why it couldn't be something else, but I will say that, at least for me, I believe I've learned what I'm supposed to get out of dealing with it and what it's meant to be in my life. I believe that it is my "Abrahamic test" that some of the prophets have said all of us will need to experience in order to receive exaltation. I can see that just like Abraham, God is testing my faith to see what I've willing to sacrifice in order to receive all the blessings He has promised. And just like Abraham, I've had to decide what is more important to me. Temporary happiness and pleasure living a gay lifestyle that will eventually end and lead me to spending eternity alone? Or living a chaste and virtuous life that may at times be very lonely but will ultimately lead to the fulfilling promises of eternal life and exaltation? With that perspective in mind, I've chosen the latter. And I keep choosing it each and every day because let's be honest—life isn't easy. I have good and bad days. Sometimes it's easy to be positive and to exercise faith, while at other times, it takes all I have inside to just make it to the next day! That's why it's a continual choice that I must make. 

I've come to see that no matter what we are asked to endure—that in the end, it will all be worth it, if we choose to be faithful. From the Spirit, each and every one of us can gain the knowledge that any and all sacrifices we make will be worth the cost of receiving the blessings of exaltation! Exaltation really is what we came here to earth to ultimately gain. I just hope that as we go through our struggles we don't lose sight of that!

The last thing I wish to share with you that has helped change my perspective is how I've actually come to see and use this struggle of same-sex attraction to hopefully bless those around me.

I don't know how you see this attraction, but I've viewed it as a weakness. And because I see it that way, I've followed the admonition of the Lord found in the scriptures (see Ether 12:27) and have turned to Him to help me make it into a strength. I've spoken more about this in some of my other posts on this blog, so I won't go into any great detail here, but I will say that what I've learned is that we can use these feelings of love to bless the lives of those we find ourselves drawn to. We can love and serve them more than otherwise would be possible.

The Lord has shown me through His Spirit that He has blessed each of us with special spiritual gifts that can help us, with this weakness and any other we may face while here on earth, to do a lot of good and to be a blessing in other people's lives. You may find that those you are drawn to—you can see them more clearly—that you are able to see who they really are because you're paying more attention to them, but also because of the special spiritual gifts God has blessed you with. With this insight you may be able to better help them reach their potential. You may even come to love them and believe in them so much that you'll become a great influence for good in their lives. If you let Him, God can help you use this attraction for good. And if you do, I know that your perspective will change and you'll come to see this attraction for what it really is—a blessing as well as a challenge to help you come closer to God and to become more like Him.

I know that God loves you very much and He wants you to trust Him. Trust that He knows what will ultimately make you happy. Trust that He can help you with this struggle as well as any others you may face. Christ has promised to be by your side and to lead you along, if you'll only let Him. He knows how you feel. He knows how to help you. Please let Him.