For all of you who wish to know...
I have realized that by revealing that I deal with same-sex attraction some of the women I know may begin to wonder if this attraction has played a part in our friendship or in my other friendships. I've thought…what if you start to wonder if I am attracted to you and that makes you feel uncomfortable? If you are one of my friends reading this and the thought has crossed your mind, and the prospect of me being attracted to you has started to make you feel uncomfortable, then I hope to put your mind at ease by explaining how this attraction has affected how I see the women I'm attracted to; and how I may feel about you and other women.
Even if you haven't thought about this, but are only curious to know, then read on.
I can’t speak for anyone else who deals with same-sex attraction, but this has been my experience...
For most of my life I couldn’t or wouldn’t accept that what I often feel is in fact an attraction to other girls. It's only been in the last few years that I've come to acknowledge it and accept it as being apart of my life’s experience, so it isn't something that I have always necessarily been consciously aware of.
To the women I'm friends with that I have felt attracted to—
When I've felt that attraction, all I really understood and knew for certain was that I felt strongly drawn to you, but I didn't always understand why.
I think that most people would agree that with any growing attraction, it has the potential to eventually become physical. But it doesn't always start out that way, and sometimes, that is never what it becomes; then again, sometimes that is exactly what it is to begin with—a physical attraction. I'll admit that I have on occasion felt a strong physical attraction to a few of you.
However, more often than not the attraction I have felt—that has drawn me to you—has been an emotional & spiritual one. What ever it may be, it usually doesn't take me long to see that the strength of the attraction or pull I feel to be near and associate with you is in fact unusual.
In my desperation to understand why I feel the way I do, I have often turned to the one person who I believe can always help me—the Lord. I have asked Him...why am I so drawn to this person? What is it about her that makes me care so much, that I'd even be willing to die for her? (That’s how strongly I’ve come to feel)
I have faith that the Lord will always provide a way for us to turn any struggle/weakness into something good—to make that weakness into a strength, if we rely on Him and seek to apply the gifts He has given us.
In my case, after turning to the Lord to help me understand this attraction (which I see as a weakness), it's then that He has shown me through the gifts of the Spirit the real you and I've come to realize why I love you and care about you so much, and how I can use that love for good.
He has opened my eyes and shown me, as I've looked closely, the strength of your character and how much you strive to better yourself by becoming more like our Savior. I've discerned the good intentions of your heart as well as the insecurities and imperfections you try so hard to hide but want so desperately to overcome. I have come to see and understand how your example influences those around you and have felt great gratitude for your kindness and the love you've shown me and others.
I see the beauty of your soul and because of that—I can sense your potential. Being able to see the real you has actually been a merciful gift from Our Heavenly Father because it’s helped me to overcome the temptations—impure thoughts or desires—that sometimes come because of this same-sex attraction.
Really, no matter what kind of attraction I may feel—a physical attraction, an emotional one, a spiritual one, or none at all other than a sisterly love—in the end my desire is the same…I want each of you to trust God and believe in yourself. And more than anything, I want to see you receive all the blessings God has in store for you. I hope that as you've reflected on our friendship you have noticed how much I genuinely care for your wellbeing and how much I believe in you. And if you have noticed I would ask, isn’t this caring a good thing?
I hope that I've explained myself well enough to put your minds at ease and to remove any discomfort you may have felt because of what I've shared.
