Words from the past

Today, while looking through some stuff I’d had stored away. I came across some of my old journals. I decided to pick up a couple and flip through them.

Wow, in some ways I haven’t changed at all. I still get overwhelmed and struggle with my relationships with friends and family, but hopefully I’m not so dramatic. One thing I came across that did impress me was something I wrote at the end of my senior year of high school...to my future self. This is what I wrote:

I know that someday—later when I am sitting all alone I may read this and feel good. How special it has all been to me, and how wonderful my memories are. Remember always the many people that have touched your life for good, remember the memories you have shared with them, and most of all remember how blessed you’ve been in knowing this...

You are what you make of yourself.

Live each day worthy of touching others’ lives for good.

Make a difference, and your life will take on good meaning.

Be and do your best always so that you may be happy.

And never be satisfied, always strive for more.

PS remember your friends...have you stayed in touch? If not, then get in touch—bless their lives. Do all you can for them. Find what they need and help.

I am glad I found this. I definitely needed the boost of motivation. Also, I haven’t really stayed in touch with a lot of those friends and now I wish I had.

Burden

A great burden has weighed upon me for quite some time. Its weight is not physical and yet it makes me tremble and fall to my knees. There are moments when I feel if I cannot receive a reprieve it will crush me and I'll die. Those moments are not fleeting, but seem to stretch on endlessly. And in them, when I feel myself weakening under this tremendous burden, I am reminded that its unnecessary for me to carry it alone. My Savior and yours, with His arms outstretched offers to take it and help me. He offers me an eternal reprieve. But do I let Him have it? Do I give up this burden that is crushing me to death? 

No!

The fool that I am, I find myself telling Him, "No, I can't...I cannot give it to you because it is mine to bear. It's made up of all the things I've wanted and chosen—no matter what they were—they are the choices I've made and I must carry them along with their consequences for as long as I can."

Why?

There has to be a reason. After thinking about it I've realized I don't want to give Him the burden because in it are the choices I've made that I knew were wrong before I made them and yet I made them anyway because I wanted to. How can I accept giving Him the consequences of such choices? Even if they are the heaviest to bear. 

But I must. He is the only way. I won’t survive much longer on my own. When I start to listen the Spirit whispers this truth to my mind: He knows. He knows why I keep refusing to give Him my burden. But I need to understand something, refusing to give it to Him didn’t stop Him from carrying it. I cannot somehow ease His pain by holding onto it. He already bore it, long before I was even born. So let it go...

Now I need to figure out how to actually do that.