Burden

A great burden has weighed upon me for quite some time. Its weight is not physical and yet it makes me tremble and fall to my knees. There are moments when I feel if I cannot receive a reprieve it will crush me and I'll die. Those moments are not fleeting, but seem to stretch on endlessly. And in them, when I feel myself weakening under this tremendous burden, I am reminded that its unnecessary for me to carry it alone. My Savior and yours, with His arms outstretched offers to take it and help me. He offers me an eternal reprieve. But do I let Him have it? Do I give up this burden that is crushing me to death? 

No!

The fool that I am, I find myself telling Him, "No, I can't...I cannot give it to you because it is mine to bear. It's made up of all the things I've wanted and chosen—no matter what they were—they are the choices I've made and I must carry them along with their consequences for as long as I can."

Why?

There has to be a reason. After thinking about it I've realized I don't want to give Him the burden because in it are the choices I've made that I knew were wrong before I made them and yet I made them anyway because I wanted to. How can I accept giving Him the consequences of such choices? Even if they are the heaviest to bear. 

But I must. He is the only way. I won’t survive much longer on my own. When I start to listen the Spirit whispers this truth to my mind: He knows. He knows why I keep refusing to give Him my burden. But I need to understand something, refusing to give it to Him didn’t stop Him from carrying it. I cannot somehow ease His pain by holding onto it. He already bore it, long before I was even born. So let it go...

Now I need to figure out how to actually do that.